


A Difference

by Sylareen



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9489038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylareen/pseuds/Sylareen
Summary: Takes place when Italy and Holy Rome were living at Austria's house. Italy is a girl, but with a little something more than other girls. Would Holy Rome still love her if he learned her secret ? Will Italy be able to live as a normal girl ? Rated T for transsexualism.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfiction about Hetalia  
> Takes place when Italy and Holy Rome were living at Austria's house. Italy is a girl, but with a little something more than other girls. Would Holy Rome still love her if he learned her secret ? Will Italy be able to live as a normal girl ?  
> In this fanfic, Italy is transsexual mtf.
> 
> I'm french, so if you find any mistake, please tell me so I can improve my english.

Italy was a girl. But she had a little something more than other girls. She noticed it once, when she was taking a bath with Hungary, in Austria’s house.  While Hungary was washing the little girl’s hair, Italy played with the water and noticed the older woman’s crotch.  
  
“Hungary-san, why are you different here ?” she asked, surprised, pointing between Hungary’s leg.  
  
“That’s because I’m a girl,” the older woman answered, amused that Italy didn’t even know that.  
  
“But I’m a girl too,” Italy replied, not understanding.  
  
“No, Ita-chan, you’re a boy,” Hungary said with a gentle smile.  
  
“I am a boy ?” Italy tilted her head, pondering it. Austria-san and Holy Rome were boys, she thought. Romano-nii-chan too. But she was nothing like them. “I’m not a boy.”  
  
“You have a willy, haven’t you ?” the Hungarian woman said, pointing at Italy’s male parts. “Boys have willies and girls have coochies,” she explained. “You have a willy, so you are a boy, like Holy Rome.”  
  
“I’m not like Holy Rome !” Italy complained, annoyed to be compared to the scary blond. “I’m a girl !”  
  
“My my, Ita-chan, you remind me of me when I was your age… At this time, I thought I was a boy, you know ?  But the truth was that I was a girl, it’s like that. It’s the same for you, you’re a boy, it’s like that. Don’t worry, you’ll understand that when growing up.”  
  
“But I don’t want to be a boy. I don’t want to be like Holy Rome or nii-chan. I want to be like Hungary-san…” Tears appeared at the corners of Italy’s eyes. Hungary wiped them with her thumb.  
  
“Maybe I shouldn’t have dressed you with girl clothes. Tomorrow I’ll ask Austria-san to buy you new clothes. Oh but thinking of that, I don’t think he knows you’re a boy, Ita-chan. ”  
  
“Vééé ?? But I like wearing dresses ! I don’t want boy’s clothes !”  
  
“Ahaha, you’re so cute Ita-chan,” Hungary laughed. “Alright, I won’t say anything to Austria-san for now. Anyway, you’ll change your mind when growing up, I’ll wait for you to be ready.”


	2. A Dance

Time had passed, but Italy hadn’t changed her mind. She knew Hungary was wrong. She knew she was a girl, deep down, and nothing could change that. But she also knew she was different.   
  
As she grew up, she learnt the differences between boys and girls. Boys and girls had different bodies, different abilities. She knew her body was the one of a boy, like Hungary had once said. But she felt like a girl, and it made her sad. She thought God had made a mistake when creating her. She was put in the wrong body. And now, a piece of flesh hanging between her legs was supposed to tell if she was a boy or a girl. She didn’t understand that, she couldn’t.  
  
During these years, she was raised as a girl. Austria apparently didn’t know about her ‘secret’, and Hungary seemed pleased to continue to dress Italy in girl’s clothes. But Italy preferred that. She was glad that Hungary hadn’t told Austria that she was… different.  
  
Her hard work in Austria’s house didn’t let her much time to play outside and make friends. She was just a servant anyway, she probably didn’t have the right to make friends. Her only… friend ? was Holy Rome. Well, she didn’t really know if they were ‘friends’. Sometimes Holy Rome would be very kind and caring, and sometimes he would scare her or act strangely when she was near. But Italy really liked him, when he wasn’t doing creepy things such as glaring at her for no reason or pulling the knot of her apron when she was doing chores. She really liked him when he was painting with her, or teaching her things he had learnt when studying with Austria, or when he had played with her at the Cat Festival.     
  
In fact, she had developed a crush for the young boy. The mysterious, smart, kind and handsome young boy. It was her first love.  But she would never be able to confess her feelings. How could she ? Even if she was not a mere servant, her ‘secret’ was a problem. Holy Rome would never return her feelings if he knew ! She was sure of that ! So she decided to never tell him. She was already happy to be able to be with him every so often, to be close to him, even if he was weird sometimes.  
  
Austria often held balls in his mansion. At such occasion, the high society from Austria, Hungary, and sometimes even Spain was invited. Austria would always use these events to play the piano himself. Once in a while, when Italy had done her chores properly and had behaved well, Austria would allow her to come to the ball. She really looked forward these worldly events. She would engage all her energy in her work and stop begging for pastas for weeks before a ball, to be sure to be allowed to go.  
  
And tonight, there was a ball. Hungary always seemed to enjoy choosing the most beautiful gowns for Italy to wear.  This time, she had chosen a beautiful traditional Hungarian dress.   
  
“You’re so cute, Ita-chan,” Hungary said with a grin. Indeed, Italy felt cute in this dress. She spun in front of the mirror, laughing happily. It was a real change compared to her old servant clothes and dirty apron, she thought. When she saw herself, so cute in fine dresses, she knew she was made to be a girl.  
  
The ballroom was already crowded. The room was very large and richly furnished. The walls were decorated with gold paint, the chandeliers were huge and splendid, made of crystal. At the other side of the room, a buffet had been dressed, allowing the dancers to refresh between two dances.  
  
Italy loved watching all those beautiful ladies and gentlemen spinning at the sound of Austria’s symphonies. Everyone seemed so happy, she thought with a smile, that was the power of Austria-san’s music.  
  
At balls, Italy could forget that she was just a servant. With the clothes Hungary made her wear, nobody could guess. People thought she was a noble Italian girl, living in Austria’s house as his ward. That way, she could enjoy the festivities without being ashamed.  
  
Sometimes, a son of a lord or another would invite her for a dance. She loved dancing. She loved feeling her body move itself at the rhythm of the music. She loved the way the melody would fill her ears and mind until she forget all her worries, and she loved being able to abandon herself in the arms of her partner, to follow his lead like any normal girl.  
  
When he was not at war, Holy Rome would attend such events. He usually didn’t seem so pleased, anyway. For him, it was probably only a duty. He danced with some noble daughters, entertained them for a while, and left the room without a word when he thought he had danced enough. Italy would love to dance with him one day, but it had never happened yet. Every time she tried to approach him, he would become crimson red and leave in a hurry.  
  
So Italy was surprised that this time, Holy Rome came to talk to her at the buffet, after her partner for the previous dance had left.  
  
“I… Italy,” he said, his cheeks blushing. He was elegant, in a white full dress uniform, embroidered with silver thread in elaborated patterns. He also wore a long dark red cloak, fastened with a fancy silver cloak pin. His head was bare, revealing his beautiful golden hair that fell graciously on his forehead. He was handsome.  
  
“Holy Rome ?” she asked, wondering what he wanted. The young boy seemed anxious. He took a deep breath, bracing himself.  
  
“Would you… Would you like to… dance with me ?” he finally said, his eyes almost begging. He looked afraid, as if he feared Italy would refuse. Italy couldn’t believe her ears. Holy Rome, her crush, wanted to dance with her ? It was too good to be true !  
  
“You invite me for a dance ?” she said, pointing her index at her cheek. She felt her face becoming pink.  
  
“Yes !” he said, determined. Italy couldn’t be happier. She was going to dance with Holy Rome ! “I… I understand if you don’t want,” Holy Rome added, embarrassed.  
  
“No ! Of course I would like to dance with you, Holy Rome. With pleasure !” she replied, beaming. At these words, Holy Rome’s face lightened and a cheerful smile appeared on his lips.  
  
He led her to the dance floor as the music began to fill the air, and took her right hand. It was a Waltz. He placed his other hand on Italy’s back, right under her shoulder, and Italy placed her left hand on his upper arm. And they danced and spun in the room, surrounded by other dancing couples.  
  
Holy Rome was a very good dancer, Italy thought, she didn’t have any difficulties to follow his steps. It felt good being led by a skillful dancer.  She felt that Holy Rome was intently watching her, so she raised her face. He startled when their eyes met and blushed.  
  
“Italy, you’re… very pretty tonight,” he said, looking away from her face.  
  
“Really ?” Now it was Italy’s turn to blush. It was the first time the blond boy told her something like that.  
  
“Uh,” he nodded, embarrassed. Holy Rome was very kind tonight, inviting her to dance, and now saying that she was pretty. Italy was over the moon.  
  
“Thank you. And you’re very elegant,” she replied, watching his eyes. In response, Holy Rome had a half smile and pulled Italy closer to him.  
  
They continued dancing in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Both enjoyed being in the arms of the other. Both enjoyed this moment alone, just the two of them. They were surrounded by dozens of other dancers, but it didn’t matter. They were alone, wrapped in the sound of Austria’s piano.  
  
It was very agreeable to dance with Holy Rome. He was a natural dancer, leading Italy effortlessly, making her twirl at the right moment, and catching her smoothly. Every once in a while, their eyes would meet, and they would both smile stupidly, their cheeks blushing.  
  
Eventually, the music ended, and the two young people reluctantly stopped dancing. They stared at each other awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Italy noticed that Holy Rome still hadn’t let go of her hand.  
  
“You… you’re a good dancer,” she said shyly, breaking the silence.  
  
“You think ?” he replied, running his other hand in his hair. “Austria-san makes me study hard, and dance is part of my education too.” Suddenly, he seemed to remember he was holding Italy’s hand. He hesitated for a second, but didn’t release her. “Do you want to go out and get some fresh air ?” he asked, looking at an open French window.  
  
“Uh. Why not ?” Italy answered. She wanted to stay with him.  
  
Holy Rome led her outside. The weather was still clement, so a few people were discussing outside, where the music was less audible. It was the night already, but the moon was shining. They went to a small gazebo in the gardens, far enough from the mansion so they were alone. Holy Rome sighed.  
  
“You know, Italy,” he began, sitting on a bench. He still had Italy’s hand in his, so she sat next to him. “Austria-san makes me dance with a lot of girls, for… political reasons…”  
Italy didn’t answer. Yes, she knew that. She knew that the boy she secretly loved was dancing with every other girl.  
  
“I… I don’t like it,” he continued, seeing that Italy was remaining silent. “I only do it because I have to.” So she had been right to suspect that Holy Rome was only attending the parties as a duty. “The only girl I wanted to dance with is you, Italy !” he declared, his face becoming crimson red.  
  
“Holy Rome ?” Italy said with a gentle voice. She wasn’t sure to understand…  
  
“I love you Italy !” he continued, taking both her hand in his. “Ever since the 900’s, I’ve always, always loved you !”   
  
“Rea… Really ?” Italy asked, shocked. Oh no… No, no, no… Holy Rome couldn’t love her ! What would happen if he discovered her secret ? She was frightened, but at the same time, happy ! Holy Rome loved her ! It couldn’t be true ! She was just a servant, and he was… Well, he was Holy Rome !  
  
“It… It’s true,” he confirmed. “It’s no lie.”  
  
What to do ? Italy was dying to say that she loved him too, but she couldn’t ! If she said it, she would have to tell him the truth, and then… she would be rejected ! He would never play or paint or dance with her anymore. He would make fun of her. He would tell her secret to everyone !  
  
No, she shouldn’t believe that. Holy Rome was a very kind boy, he would never do such things. She wanted to trust him. Anyway, she had to answer something. She had no choice, she had to tell him everything…  
  
“Véé, I’m so happy, but…” she said, looking at the ground. A knot in her throat prevented her from talking.  
  
“But… ?” he asked, fear in his voice. He squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue. She took a deep breath.  
  
“But I… I have… I have a secret…” She removed her hands from his and turned away. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes.  
  
“What is it ? Speak. You… you already love someone else, that’s it ?” There wasn’t a hint of anger in his voice, only despair.  
  
“No !!” Italy cried, turning back to face him. “No it’s not that ! I… I love you too, Holy Rome !”  
  
“Then what is it ?” he sighed, visibly relieved.  
  
“I can’t tell you…” Italy felt the first tears rolling down her cheeks. “It’s something awful…”  
  
Holy Rome looked worried. He put a hand on Italy’s face and wiped her tears. His hand was so warm against her cheek, so reassuring.  
  
“You can tell me everything, Italy. What is it ? What can be so awful ?”  
  
“You promise you won’t make fun of me ?”  
  
“I would never do such a thing, trust me,” he said. He seemed hurt that Italy would doubt him, but for her, it was really something hard to tell. Seeing the despair in his eyes, his eyebrows frowned in worry, she surrendered and decided to tell him. It was too big a secret to hide forever, anyway.  
  
“I’m… I am… different… From other girls I mean,” she confessed, crying. “My body is… the one of a boy…” Holy Rome froze, staring at her in shock.  
  
“What do you mean ?” he said, incredulous. “Your body is the one of a… boy ?” Italy slowly nodded, unable to say anything.  
  
Holy Rome got up like a shot and made a few steps in the gazebo.  
  
“You’re a boy, Italy ?!” he asked, anger becoming audible in his voice.  
  
“No ! I’m a girl !” Italy cried to defend herself.  
  
“I can’t believe it…” Holy Rome ignored her and pinched the bridge of his nose. “All these years, I’ve been in love with a boy ?”  
  
“I’m not a boy ! Holy Rome, you have to believe me ! I’m not a boy !” She caught Holy Rome’s cloak and clung to it, despaired. She shouldn’t have told him, she shouldn’t… Now everything was over. “I’m not a boy…” she sobbed.  
  
“What do you say ?” he replied coldly, pulling his cloak from her hands. “You just said you were a boy, what now ?”  
  
Italy was shocked at the cold tone he used. She sobbed even more. She wanted to explain to him, but no word would come out of her mouth. She just stayed there, her face hidden in her hands, crying. She thought Holy Rome would abandon her here and go back to the mansion, but he seemed to be waiting for explanations.  
  
“All these years… I can’t believe it…” he mumbled, pacing in the gazebo. “You lied to me !” he exclaimed, furious.  
  
“No !” Italy replied, the word ‘lie’ making her snap out of it. “I never lied to you !”  
  
“But you’re a boy !”  
  
“I’m not ! It’s not my fault ! I was… I was born in the wrong body !”  
  
“The wrong body ?” Holy Rome scoffed. “Is that even possible ?”  
  
“Yes ! Please listen to me… I will… I will explain everything to you. Please, Holy Rome, let me explain…” she begged. Holy Rome folded his arms and sighed.  
  
“Fine !” he said, sitting down on the bench, farther from Italy than before. “I’m listening.”  
  
“I… I wish I was a normal girl. But I was born in a male body, I don’t know why, it’s like that ! But it’s only the flesh, I’m a girl inside ! You have to believe me !”  
  
“So you’re telling me that it’s like… a birth defect ?” Holy Rome answered, skeptical.  
  
“Yes, that’s it ! Some people are born blind or… or with crippled limbs, and I was born in the wrong body… It’s only the body, but inside, in my heart, I am a girl !”  
  
“It’s hard to believe…” he sighed. “I’ve never heard of such a thing. So what are you ? A boy that wants to be a girl ?”  
  
“No, no… It’s the contrary. I am a girl, but I’m… trapped in this body. I was always a girl. I’m Italy, Holy Rome ! The Italy you always knew, this is the true Italy ! I’m the same person !”  
  
“I think I begin to understand…” Holy Rome said, and Italy sighed in relief. “The Italy I knew and loved was a girl, I know that. But… You also have to understand me ! It’s… shocking, to say the least, to hear such a thing.”  
  
Italy cringed at the word ‘loved’. Did that mean that Holy Rome didn’t love her anymore ? Yes, of course… How could he still love her after that… She felt the tears begin to fill her eyes again.  
  
“I’m just a girl…” Italy wept. “I’m just Italy…”  
  
For a while Holy Rome watched her with pity in his eyes, thoughtful. He seemed to at least understand how painful it was for Italy to confess her awful secret. He looked at the ground, hesitating, before looking back at her face.  
  
“I can’t love a boy,” he said, making Italy sob even harder. “But if… if you’re telling the truth… I mean… I danced with you tonight, and even now, seeing you cry like that in your pretty dress, I can see you are the same Italy as ever.” He got closer, taking back Italy’s hand in his. Italy was unable to react, she was filled with fear, but a slight hope appeared in her despair when Holy Rome gently brushed her fingers. “When I see your delicate hands, so small and so soft…” He watched her in the eyes. “When I see this lovely face that makes my heart miss a beat… When I see this silky chestnut hair that makes me want to touch it, and this gracious curl on the left that makes you even cuter, I can see you are Italy.” He paused, smiling. “If you say you are a girl, then it’s enough for me. To me you are a girl. You are Italy.”  
  
Italy had difficulties processing his words. Did he just said he believed her ? Did he just took her hand, like nothing had happened ? Did he just said all those nice things to her, as if he still loved her ?  
  
“You… You believe me ?” she asked, still unsure.  
  
“Yes,” he said, cupping her face in his hands. “Yes, because I love you, Italy.” At these words, he took Italy in his arms and hugged her, tenderly.  
  
“Oh, Holy Rome…” Italy whispered through her tears. She must be in a dream. It felt like a dream. She couldn’t believe she was in Holy Rome’s arms. But it also felt very real. She could hear Holy Rome’s heart under her ear, beating so fast. She could feel his chest under her hands, the texture of his fine clothes so smooth against her fingers. She could feel Holy Rome’s hand in her hair, and the warmness of his other arm wrapped around her body. It must be real then. Holy Rome loved her, even if she was different. He loved her enough to be over it. Yes, it was real. How could she have doubted him ? She was so happy right now !  
  
Holy Rome broke their embrace and leaned toward her face.  
  
“I… Italy…” he whispered, blushing and closing his eyes, his lips coming closer and closer to hers, until they met.  
  
It was a soft, gentle and chaste kiss between two young people. It was Italy’s first kiss, and probably Holy Rome’s too. His lips were smooth and warm against hers, and they were delicious. Oh so delicious, Italy wanted to kiss him again and again.  
  
“I love you, Italy,” Holy Rome said, breaking the kiss. “I love you as you are, it doesn’t matter if you’re a little bit different. To me, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”  
  
“Véé, Holy Rome…” Italy whispered, touching her lips where he had kissed her. “Thank you… For accepting me as I am. I… I love you too !”  
  
A happy smile lightened Holy Rome’s beautiful features. He got up and offered her his hand.  
  
“Would you like to dance again ?” he asked, so handsome under the moonlight.  
  
“Yes !” she answered, elated, taking his hand and following him back to the mansion.


	3. A Fear

Several years had passed, and Italy and Holy Rome were still spinning the perfect love. Italy couldn’t be happier. Now Holy Rome was often with her, when he was not studying with Austria and when she was not doing chores. Also, he had stopped acting weirdly. It seemed that every time he would act strangely, it was because he was too shy to talk to her or to express his feeling properly. But now, the scary Holy Rome was gone, and only the kind Holy Rome remained.  
  
They spent their time together painting or playing, or just cuddling. They kissed a lot too. And every time there was a ball, Holy Rome would dance at least one dance with her, though he still had to dance with a lot of other girls.  
  
Of course, Holy Rome hadn’t told her secret to anyone. He didn’t even talk about it with Italy. At first, he had asked some questions, to be sure to fully understand Italy’s feelings, but then he had never brought up the topic again. He considered Italy like a normal girl. At least for now…  
  
Hungary seemed to take great pleasure to ask news about the young couple and to provide advices. She had warned Italy that even if Holy Rome could consider her as a girl for now, things would change when they were older.  
  
“You know Ita-chan,” she had said once. “Grown-ups do more than just kissing. And when Holy Rome will want to do that with you, he will be forced to recognize you as a boy.”  
  
That worried Italy. She knew more or less what grown-ups did with their lovers (thanks to a visit she had paid to France-nii-chan one day ), and she knew she lacked some organs to be able to do it ‘like a girl’.  
  
But she still had time to think about that. What worried her more, right now, were the changes that would soon appear in her body. She was growing up. She was not a child anymore. And soon, her body would change, in a way that totally frightened her. Her body would become manlier, she would have muscles and hair and beard, and her voice would change too !  
  
She had witnessed all that on Holy Rome, who was at the age when these changes took place. His voice had become deeper. Sometimes he had voice cracks, which were funny, but all in all his new voice was more attractive. Italy could feel it resonate in her chest when she was in his arms and he talked, it felt good. His build was broadening, and since he spent a lot of time training and fighting, his muscles were also developing. Moreover, he was beginning to have facial hair and was forced to shave often, though not every morning yet.  
  
These changes were great, on Holy Rome. They made him look more mature, more handsome. But these changes would be devastating on Italy. She didn’t want them to happen. She didn’t want to look like a boy. She wished she could stay a child forever, but she knew she couldn’t escape. It felt like her own blood was poison. Like her own body was fighting her with all its might, slowly killing her. Every breath she was taking got her closer to the fateful reality.  
  
Why ? Why was the entire universe reminding her that she was different ? Why was she forced to change like that ? Why, when all she wanted as to be a normal girl, was she forced to face a fate that only boys had to face ? She knew she would never have breasts, she would never have curves like Hungary-san, and she would never be able to give birth. But if at least she could stay like she was now, that would be enough ! If she could stay small and childish and cute, if her skin could stay milky and delicate and soft, if her body could stay thin and frail forever, that would be far from enough to satisfy her !  
  
Holy Rome had of course noticed that Italy was troubled and sad these times. They had talked about it, but he didn’t have a solution. He wanted to help Italy, he really didn’t like to see her distressed like that, but what could he do ? He didn’t want her to change either. He assured her that he would still love her even if she became manlier, but Italy could see that it was not entirely true. Not that she feared that Holy Rome would abandon her, but it wouldn’t be the same…  
  
One day, they went to find Hungary and asked for advices.  
  
“Ita-chan, you should accept the truth,” she said, patting the girl’s head. “You’re a boy, there’s nothing you can do about it, so you have to accept it. I know it might be frightening to see your body change, but you’ll see, when it’s over you will be pleased.”  
  
“But I won’t be pleased !” Italy exclaimed. “I’m a girl, I don’t want to change and look like a boy !”  
  
“Come on Ita-chan, don’t you want to be tall and strong and muscled like Aus… Hum… like Spain-san ?” Even Hungary couldn’t consider Austria to be very manly…  
  
“No ! I… I want to look like you, Hungary-san. I don’t want to be a boy !”  
  
“You’re hopeless… And you, Holy Rome, you like Ita-chan as a boy, don’t you ?” she asked, turning to the blond boy. “Wouldn’t you be more pleased if he had a manlier body ?”  
  
“What ? No, I love Italy as a girl, I’m not homosexual !” he answered, shocked.  
  
“But you’re in love with a boy. You’re so cute together,” she said, stars in her eyes. “I can’t wait to see you two all grown-up and kissing…” she added, beginning to drool. For a while, she seemed lost in her thoughts, mumbling some strange words like ‘yaoi’ and ‘moe’ . Holy Rome looked at Italy, who seemed sad. He took her hand.  
  
“You have never explained to her ?” he asked. Italy shook her head.  
  
“I keep telling her I’m a girl, but I never explained like I did with you,” she said. But each time she told Hungary that she was a girl, Hungary would deny and then talk about how much she liked cute boys and how much fun it was to dress Italy as a girl.  
  
Maybe the problem was simply that she had never explained correctly her feelings to Hungary. After all, Hungary was a nice girl, maybe she would understand if it was explained to her properly.  
  
So Italy explained, once again. It was hard to have to talk about that again. To explain how she felt trapped in the wrong body. To explain how she didn’t want to be defined by the flesh, but by the mind, the heart. Of course, during this explanation, she cried a lot, because it was unfair. Why was she forced to fight and to argue like that for people to recognize her as a girl ? Why couldn’t she just be normal ?  
  
But at least, this time Holy Rome was on her side. He was there to steady her, to reassure her. He gently took her hand and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she explained everything. Occasionally, he would also nod or say ‘yes’ to support what she was saying.  
  
Hungary had listened without interrupting. As Italy’s speech progressed, the Hungarian woman’s smile faded, replaced by a serious expression. She could see that Italy wasn’t joking.  
  
“I see…” she said after Italy had stopped talking. “I thought you liked acting as a girl because I dressed you in girl clothes, I thought it was only a child caprice. But it seems there is a real malaise. You’re suffering, I can see that. It’s not just a play.”  
  
Italy nodded in agreement, her face grave. The older woman sighed with a sorry expression.  
  
“So you really are a girl after all, Ita-chan ?” she said. “It must be hard for you… I’m… sorry to have kept telling you were a boy all those years. But it doesn’t change anything. In the end, your body will still change and you will still look like a boy.”  
  
“There’s really no way to avoid it ?” Italy complained, losing hope. She was glad and relieved that Hungary had understood her problem and finally recognized her as a girl, but the relief was lost under the weight of despair.  
  
“No… I’m sorry…” Hungary answered.  
  
So Italy returned to her every day chores, sad and lifeless, waiting for her fate to strike her.


	4. A Solution

“I don’t care,” Austria declared coldly.  
  
“What ? But… You can’t !” Hungary exclaimed, shocked.  
  
Holy Rome and her had just explained Italy’s situation to Austria, while Italy was out doing chores. Austria was clever and cultivated, so Hungary had thought that he may know a way to help Italy.  
  
But he was sitting arm crossed behind his piano and refused to understand.  
  
“Why would I care ? She’s… wait, he’s just a servant.”  
  
“Italy is a girl, so it’s ‘she’ !” Holy Rome replied, raising his voice.  
  
“Austria-san, you can’t say that about your servants,” Hungary said, hurt. “I’m just a servant too. What would you say if something happened to me ?” That seemed to unhinge the Austrian man. He raised an eyebrow and hesitated.  
  
“Italy is your dominion, you’re supposed to take care of her !” the blond boy shouted angrily.  
  
“Well, I feed her… him… whatever, and I provide lodging. That’s sufficient !” Austria argued, frowning. “What’s the problem anyway ?! She doesn’t want her body to change ? And what ?! Make her a castrato and the problem is solved !”  
  
“A castrato… ?” Holy Rome repeated, pondering the words.  
  
“Of course ! Why hadn’t we thought about that earlier !” Hungary said, excited. “Thank you Austria-san !” She flew into his arms, making him turn crimson red.  
  
“I… I told you I don’t care. Now leave before I get angry !” he cried, awkward.  
  
Holy Rome knew that when Austria got angry, he would suddenly play a symphony . Right now, he didn’t want to hear that, so he went out of the room. Hungary however, stayed with Austria.  
  
A castrato, it could work, Holy Rome thought. It was so obvious ! He had to tell Italy right now ! She would be so happy. He smiled to himself.  
  
“Italy !” he called when he arrived in the gardens. “Where are you Italy ?”  
  
He searched and finally found her at the well, a bucket of water in each hand.  
  
“Holy Rome ?” she asked, surprised to find him here, while she was doing chores.  
  
“It must be heavy, let me help you,” he said, taking the buckets. “I have great news, come to the mansion with me.”  
  
“Sure.” She was glad to be able to walk back home with him. What did he want to tell her ? It seemed important, he was in a hurry.  
  
“Where do you need to bring these ?” he asked, talking about the buckets.  
  
“In the kitchens. But I have plenty of other chores to do after…”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you afterwards, but this news can’t wait.”  
  
They brought the buckets in the kitchens, then Holy Rome led Italy to a private sitting room, where the numerous guests of Austria’s house wouldn’t hear their conversation. Italy usually didn’t go in fancy rooms like this. As a servant, she wasn’t allowed, unless Holy Rome was with her. She smiled and sat on a velvet covered sofa. Holy Rome was too excited to sit down, so he paced in front of her.  
  
“So, what is this important news ?” Italy asked, curious to know why he had dragged her out of her work. Holy Rome stopped pacing and grabbed her hands, smiling widely.  
  
“There’s a way, Italy !” he exclaimed joyfully. “There’s a way to prevent your body from changing !”  
  
“Really ?!” Italy shouted, her eyes opening in shock. She got up and stared intently at Holy Rome’s eyes, a grin appearing on her lips. There was a way ?! There was really a way ?? She could regain hope !  
  
“Yes !” he continued. “You just have to become a castrato !” Suddenly, Italy’s grin faded.  
  
“What is it ? Are you not happy ?” Holy Rome asked, worried about such a change of behavior.  
  
“Castrati have to sing…” she said, looking at the ground.  
  
“Yes, but you’re a great singer !” he replied. Italy was just troubled about that ? “You sang to me countless times, you can do it !”  
  
“You… You think so ?” She blushed.  
  
“Of course !” He put a hand on her cheek. His eyes were faithful. He truly believed what he was saying. “You’re the best, Italy, you can do it !”  
  
“Yes…” she whispered, drowning in his eyes and regaining hope, and a smile came back on her lips.  “Yes ! I can do it ! I will do it !” She could become a castrato and escape her cruel fate ! She was so happy ! She was so thrilled she began to laugh and hop.  
  
“That’s wonderful !” Holy Rome exclaimed, hopping with her.  
  
The following days, Italy made a lot of research. Castrati were an Italian invention, but since she was just a servant in Austria’s house, she didn’t know much about it. At night, she went into Austria’s study and borrowed a few books that talked about castrati. He had so many books, he would certainly not notice that two or three were missing. She brought them in her small maid’s room.  
  
While reading them, the enthusiasm she had felt when Holy Rome had brought the idea quickly died. A lot of problems were preventing her to become a castrato. Even if Holy Rome said that her voice was beautiful enough, there were still other problems. She felt all her hopes vanish, once again…  
  
“I’m too old…” she complained to Holy Rome.  
  
“Too old for what ?”  
  
“To be a castrato… I’m too old already…”  
  
“Are you sure ? We don’t age the same way as other people.” he remarked.  
  
“Yes, I’m sure…”  
  
“But you can try anyway,” Holy Rome said, trying to cheer her up. “It is worth a try, isn’t it ?”  
  
“It’s not the only problem,” she explained, her voice pessimistic. “It cost a lot of money…”  
  
“Austria-san has money. He’ll help you, trust me ! It was he who brought the idea of making you a castrato.”  
  
“Really ?” It was hard to believe, she thought Austria didn’t care about her.  
  
“Yes, so you see, it’s not really a problem,” he smiled.  
  
“Yes but… These were only the two easiest problems… You know, I read things about how castrati are made. Well, sometimes it doesn’t work, because most often they don’t remove the… you know, the ‘equipment’… I would rather they remove everything !” she said, embarrassed. It was strange, speaking of things such as her genitals with Holy Rome… “And also, castrati are renowned singers. Everybody would know that I am a castrato, so everybody would think I’m a boy ! And you, Holy Rome, everybody would think that you are homosexual ! I don’t want to bring shame on you…”  
  
“Don’t worry about me, Italy,” Holy Rome sighed. “I don’t care what everybody thinks as long as I’m with you. But… I understand that the situation wouldn’t satisfy you… Maybe we can find a way to do it in secret ?”  
  
“I don’t think so… We would have to pay a lot of money and to ask to a good surgeon, one way or another, everybody would hear about it…”  
  
“Then, we have to go somewhere else, outside of Europe,” Holy Rome suggested.  
  
Italy agreed, but she had no idea where they could go to find a surgeon who will operate her in secret. Holy Rome promised to think about it and to find a solution. So Italy still had a hope. If Holy Rome said that he would find a way, then she could trust him.  
  
The day after, Holy Rome went to find Austria in his music room. The man was playing the piano and seemed annoyed to be interrupted. Holy Rome explained that they had to find a surgeon out of Europe.  
  
“Again, this story ?” Austria complained. “I already said I didn’t care !”  
  
“Please, Austria-san, you have to help her. She’s your protégée…” the boy begged. Austria sighed.  
  
“Well… If she wanted to be a castrato, maybe I would help her. But you have to understand how much money a journey outside of Europe will cost ! And how much more money it will cost to find and hire a good surgeon ! It’s not something that can be done.”  
  
“Money, money… Everything is not about money !” Holy Rome argued.  
  
“You’ll understand when you’re older, Holy Rome. I can’t do anything for Italy. Now leave.”  
  
Why was he always so mean with Italy ? Why had he fought against France to win Italy in the first place, if he just treated her as a servant ? Holy Rome had no choice then, he would have to issue Austria with an ultimatum.  
  
“Austria-san,” he said, serious, his tone of voice cold. “It is thanks to me that you are a powerful country. It is thanks to me that you were able to build such a powerful Empire. The matter is simple. If you don’t help Italy, I won’t fight for you anymore !”  
  
Austria gasped in shock, surprised that Holy Rome would resort to such means. He hadn’t seen that coming. He thought for a minute. Holy Rome was right, without him, Austria was just a small country. If he lost the Holy Roman Empire, then everything was lost…  
  
“Fine…” he sighed. “You drive a hard bargain…”  
  
“So, will you help us ?” Holy Rome asked, his expression becoming softer.  
  
“Yes, since I have no other choice…” he answered, rolling his eyes. “So, if I understand well, Italy wants to be completely emasculated, and secretly ?”  
  
“That’s it.”  
  
“Well, the best surgeon I know is Greece but…” Austria began.  
  
“But he’s part of the Ottoman Empire…” Holy Rome continued, sighing. “He’s our enemy, we can’t ask him…”  
  
“Indeed. Then there is only one way.”  
  
“What is it ?”  
  
“The solution would be to go to China. In China, the Imperial dynasty traditionally uses a lot of eunuchs. They know how to do it,” Austria explained. “But it’s a very long journey, and it can be dangerous.”  
  
“I’ll go too and I’ll protect her,” Holy Rome said. Even if Austria was always saying that he didn’t care, he was worried that something happened to Italy. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad master after all.  
  
“Good. You should take advantage of this journey to establish a good relationship between China and our countries.”  
  
“Of course,” Holy Rome replied with a half-smile. Austria knew how to turn things to his advantage. But thanks to him, they had just found a solution to help Italy, and Holy Rome couldn’t be more grateful.


	5. A Journey

Italy, Holy Rome and an escort of ten soldiers of the Holy Roman Empire boarded on a merchant ship travelling to China. Their identities were kept secret. A great amount of money had also been loaded secretly on the ship, intended to be offered to China in exchange of his services.  
  
The trip lasted several months. They had made stopovers in ports of the New World and India. Once, they have been attacked by thieves. Of course, two kids traveling alone but with their own escort must be rich nobles, the thieves thought. They had been quickly defeated, but one of them had succeeded to catch Italy. He probably wanted to rape her or to sell her as a slave. Holy Rome had killed this one himself.  
  
Finally, they arrived in China, in a commercial port. While the soldiers were unloading the money, hidden in spice pots, Italy and Holy Rome waited on the quay with two soldiers.  
  
A merchant in a traditional Chinese outfit was speaking loudly, attracting the passers-by and trying to sell them things. He noticed the two young people and come toward them.  
  
“Young lord and fair lady, welcome in China !” he announced joyfully. He was young, rather tall, with short brown hair combed over to the side. “Would you like to take a look at our products ? Young lady, surely you would be interested in seeing Chinese beautiful fabric and dresses. You will not find a silk of better quality anywhere else !” His smiled faded and he raised an eyebrow, suddenly noticing something. “Eh ? Aren’t you two the same as me ?”  
  
Italy and Holy Rome looked at each other, confused.  
  
“What do you mean, the same as you ?” Holy Rome asked.  
  
“Why, nations, of course !” the young man replied with a genuine smile.  
  
The two young people agreed to accompany him to discuss. The merchant led them to his shop, narrow and full of a jumble of porcelain and ceramic items. He offered them green tea. While they were drinking, he introduced himself. He explained that he was China’s little brother. His name was Macau, or as people called him, ‘Macau Which Carries the Name of a Most Faithful God’.  What an impressive name, Italy thought. Holy Rome and her explained that they were here to find his brother.  
  
“I can take you to where he lives,” Macau offered. “But are you sure you’re not going to buy anything ?”  
  
Holy Rome rolled his eyes. It wasn’t really a question, Macau was not offering his help for free. At his side, Italy was watching him with begging eyes.  
  
“Alright, alright,” he said. How could he resist such a cute face. Since they had come all this way to China, he could at least buy a gift for Italy. “What would you like ? Clothes ?”  
  
“Yes ! Thank you Holy Rome !” she exclaimed, flying in his arms and kissing him on the cheek. Macau led them to a clothing shop that he owned and helped Italy choose. There were so many fine and exotic clothes, she was delighted. Finally, she opted for a green ruqun dress, made of silk and satin and embroidered with a flower pattern.  
  
“Excellent choice, my lady,” Macau smiled.  
  
“What do you think, Holy Rome ? Am I pretty ?” she asked, spinning in front of him. The skirt turned around her legs in a graceful way.  
  
“Y… Yes, you’re pretty,” he answered, blushing and looking elsewhere. He was always embarrassed about public displays of affection.  
  
“You should buy an outfit too !” she exclaimed.  
  
“The lady is right, young lord,” Macau said. “It would be a shame to walk at the arm of such a beautiful bird without a matching outfit.”  
  
“I’m fine with my clothes,” he sighed. They weren’t here on a shopping trip.  
  
“Please, Holy Rome… You must look so handsome in Chinese clothes,” Italy said, making her best begging face.  
  
“Fine…” Holy Rome surrendered. Damn, Italy always knew how to persuade him.  
  
Italy made him try almost all the clothes in the shop. Finally, he chose an elegant black outfit, lined with dark red motif. All these clothes were very expansive. Holy Rome thought he probably shouldn’t tell Austria how much they had cost. After he had paid, Macau was satisfied and agreed to lead them to where China lived.  
  
It was a long journey to the city called Beijing. They went through many gorgeous landscapes, Italy was mesmerized. She wondered what China must look like. She had heard many things about him. His country was so old, and big, and powerful. Surely China was a great warrior, hardened by centuries of battles. His mere presence on a battlefield must be enough to make his enemies tremble with fear.  
  
Eventually, they arrived in front of a huge red wall. On top of it were buildings, with columns and sweeping roofs.  
  
“Vééé,” Italy exclaimed, impressed.  
  
“There we are,” Macau announced. “Zǐjin Chéng, the Forbidden City !”  
  
“It’s huge !” Holy Rome said, mouth agape in awe.  
  
“Ahaha it’s only a gate,” Macau smiled. “There are several buildings inside. It is said that there are 9,999 rooms in the Forbidden City.”  
  
The gate was heavily guarded, but since Macau was with them, they were granted permission to enter. And indeed, the inside was like a real city, with several buildings and walls and places, and even a river. It was so vast, so beautiful and so rich. Italy had never seen anything like that in occident. She followed Macau, fascinated by the surroundings, unable to say a word. She lacked words to describe the magnificence of the City.  
  
Macau led them to a sumptuous palace. When they were at the door, he told them that he had to take leave, and let them enter alone.  
  
There was a throne, bigger than any throne Italy had ever seen. Around and above it were hanging tablets with Chinese words that she couldn’t read. On the throne, a woman was sitting. She got up and came toward them as they entered.  
  
She wasn’t tall and seemed young, younger than Macau. She was wearing a rich and heavy hanfu, and her black hair was tied in a long ponytail. She was so beautiful, Italy thought, dazzled. Was she the Empress ?  
  
“Welcome to the Palace of Heavenly Purity,” she said, a charming smile on her lips. “I am China aru.”   
  
Italy startled. Wasn’t China supposed to be a man ? She turned to Holy Rome.  
  
“China is a woman ?” she whispered.  
  
“No, I think it’s a man. Also, Macau-san said it was his brother,” he answered, whispering too.  
  
“I am a man aru !” China said coldly. He had heard them… But that was a shock. He looked so much like a girl. He was nothing like the terrifying warrior Italy had thought about. She wondered if he was an eunuch.  
  
“Please forgive our clumsiness, O great China,” Holy Rome said, trying to fix the bad first impression. He bowed deeply, and Italy imitated him. “It is an honour to meet you. We are…”  
  
“I know who you are,” China cut him, but gently this time. “Please do not bow before me, Holy Roman Empire, Italy Veneziano.”  
  
“But… how ?” Holy Rome asked, surprised. China took a piece of paper out of one of his huge sleeves.  
  
“I received a letter from Austria-san, announcing your coming aru. Like I said, you are welcome here. Stay as long as you want. Your soldiers can lodge with my guards, and you two can stay in this palace with me aru.”  
  
“It is an honour, China-sama,” Holy Rome answered. Italy thought it was better to let him take care of the formalities. “We are grateful for your hospitality. As Austria-san may have explained to you in his letter, we are here to require your help.”  
  
“Yes, everything is explained,” he said, putting the letter back in his sleeve. “As your elder, I will help you.”  
  
“Vé, thank you so much, China-sama !” Italy exclaimed, joining her hands. She was so happy to hear that ! She felt her eyes becoming wet, but it was tears of joy. All her worries were finally over ! China smirked.  
  
“In his letter, Austria-san mentioned a large sum of money aru…” he said, his voice innocent.  
  
“Indeed, we have brought money as a payment for your help,” Holy Rome confirmed. “My soldiers are carrying it. They will transport it wherever you order them.”  
  
“Very well. I gladly accept your money,” the Chinese man replied, rubbing his hands together. “Ah, but it’s getting late aru. Come have dinner with me, we will discuss the matter further.”  
  
They went to a dining room where servants brought numerous exquisite dishes. It was a real feast. There was a large range of steam-cooked vegetables, fruit and berries; chicken, pork and mutton, steam-cooked or fried; accompanied with soup, rice and… pasta ! Even if it was different from Italian pasta, Italy was delighted to eat the Chinese noodles.  
  
“You must be tired from the trip aru,” China said while they were eating. “Tomorrow you will rest, and only the day after will we consider a surgery.”  
  
“Alright. Thank you so much for your help, China-sama,” Italy said between two mouthfuls of noodles. “I don’t know how to thank you properly, you have no idea how important it is for me !”  
  
“With the amount of money that you paid, it is only natural that I do it aru. However… It’s not only for the money that I agreed to help you…” His voice seemed melancholic when he said that.  
  
Italy looked at him with curiosity, taking a pause from eating noodles.  
  
“I… knew your grand-father, Italy…” he continued, his eyes lost in the distance.  
  
“You knew Grandpa Rome ?” Italy asked, surprised.  
  
“Yes. He was just a youngster when he came here for the first time aru…” he sighed. He shook his head and looked at Italy. “Bah, it’s an old story, I don’t want to annoy you with it aru.”  
  
“Oh no, I’m interested,” Italy exclaimed. “When I was a child, Grandpa Rome was already old.  I would like to know how he was when he was young. Don’t you want to know too, Holy Rome ?”  
  
“Yes !” he agreed, stars in the eyes. Rome was his idol, his model. He wanted to recreate the Roman Empire, of course he wanted to know more about Rome.   
  
“Aiyah, well, then I shall tell you about it aru.” China smiled. He had already decided to share this story anyway. “Your grand-father was a young man, back then. A warrior aru. But you have to understand something first.” His voice became wistful. “You see this palace ? It was a prison...” He sighed. “Well, it was another palace at that time, this one wasn’t built, but it’s the same thing aru. I lived in a palace. I had everything I wanted. The best food in the world, the most beautiful clothes, the finest jewelry, even pandas aru. But it was a gilded cage. I was used by my counselors and I was cut off from the world aru.”  
  
Italy and Holy Rome were listening in silence, focused on China’s melancholic voice.  
  
“And then, your grand-father arrived. Rome. The great Rome. A conqueror who had put half of the world to his feet aru. An adventurer who had travelled to the boundaries of the known world. He came to me and paid his respects. He offered me thousands of gifts, from all over his Empire. He was tall, strong and muscled, and magnificent in his shiny armour. We… We fell in love at the first sight aru,” he said, his cheeks blushing.   
  
“Vé ? You were in love with Grandpa Rome ?” Italy asked, surprised. She had never heard of that.  
  
“Yes,” China smiled. “You see, he was everything I was dreaming of aru. A stranger, strong and handsome, who could tell me everything about the real world. I wished he could take me out of the palace and show me the world…”  
  
“That’s a beautiful story,” Italy commented, enchanted. “It’s so romantic.”  
  
“He was beautiful, your grand-father aru,” China continued, his voice normal again. “His tanned skin, dark hair, soft muscles, and his occidental features, which seemed so exotic to me, I loved everything aru. I never understood why he loved me anyway… So, in memory of him, I will help you aru.”  
  
“I wish Grandpa Rome didn’t disappear,” Italy complained. “But he was old, and I was a child, I don’t remember him much. But his… disappearance must have been harder for you, since you knew him so well and loved him.”  
  
“Like I said, it’s an old story aru,” the Chinese man replied with a sad smile. “Even people like us grow old and eventually die.”  
  
“But you seem so young, China-sama,” Holy Rome remarked. “How is this possible ?”  
  
“Everybody knows that Chinese medicine is the best aru,” he answered, winking to the blond boy.  
  
After the dinner, China showed Italy and Holy Rome their bedrooms. If they needed anything, servants were at their disposition. After wishing a good night to their host, they each went in their chambers. The servants had prepared a bath. Italy gladly entered in the hot water. It had been such a long day, finally she could relax. The steam helped her empty her mind.  
  
When she got out of the bath, she noticed that night clothes had also been prepared, folded on the bed. She put them on, went in bed and blew out the candles.  
  
The bed was too big and it was cold. She turned and turned without falling asleep. After all, she had a lot to think, the day had been full of emotions. Outside, it began to rain. Soon, it transformed into a thunderstorm. Italy was scared of the thunder. She tried to muffle the sound with her pillow, but it was too loud, as if the lightning was falling right on the Forbidden City. After a while, she decided to go sleep with Holy Rome.  
  
“H… Holy Rome ?” she said shyly, entering in his bedroom. He was watching the storm at the window and turned when he heard her.  
  
“Can I sleep in your bed ?” she asked, clutching a pillow in her arms. “I’m s… scared of the thunder.”   
  
“You’re shivering, Italy !” he exclaimed, worried. He quickly walked toward her and took her in his arms to warm her up. “Let’s go to bed quickly.”  
  
“Thanks… It was so scary being by myself,” she said as they went under the covers. Suddenly, a loud clap of thunder resonated, and Italy shrieked, seeking refuge in her lover’s arms.  
  
“Shhh… It’s nothing, Italy. I’m here, don’t worry…” he whispered, caressing her hair. Soon, Italy fell asleep, appeased. Holy Rome smiled, kissed her forehead, and followed in the land of dreams.  
  
The next day, China was busy, so Italy and Holy Rome could rest and visit the beautiful gardens of the Forbidden City. They had not much to do, but the day passed quickly. There was always something to discover in the imperial palace, and they could also observe the ways of Chinese people, so different from what they were used to. The evening, they had dinner with China. Then, they went to bed. This time, Italy directly went to sleep in Holy Rome’s bed. It was more than big enough for the two of them anyway.  
  
The third day, China summoned them both. He explained to Italy how exactly the surgery was going to be done.  
  
“I must warn you however,” he said. “It is a dangerous operation aru. There is a risk that you die aru.”  
  
“I know,” Italy answered, her voice firm. She didn’t hesitated. She was determined. “I’m ready.”  
  
“Wait Italy !” Holy Rome exclaimed, his voice pleading. “It’s not too late to change your mind. We can still go back in Austria’s house.” Italy shook her head.  
  
“No, we haven’t made all the way here to go back now.”  
  
“But it’s too dangerous. You don’t have to do that ! I… I love you as you are, you don’t need to take such a risk !” he implored. He was frightened, Italy could understand that. But she wasn’t afraid. She was calm, more than she had ever been. Holy Rome may find it strange, for someone who was going to risk her life, but it wasn’t like that. Italy was prepared to die. Death was a better fate than living as a boy. It was a risk worth taking.  
  
“Holy Rome, you have to understand. I have to do it,” she explained. “I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me.”  
  
Holy Rome continued to try to dissuade her, but she was resolved. Nothing he said could change it. China announced that he was going to do the surgery himself, the next morning.  
  
Thus, this evening was the last before Italy’s surgery. She was anxious. Not afraid, but anxious. One way or another, the next morning would be an end. Whatever the outcome was, after this day she wouldn’t have to worry anymore.  
  
She needed some time alone, to think. So she went in her chamber and took a bath. China’s house disposed of a large choice of soaps, cleansing milks and bath oils. She washed her hair, then her body. When she arrived at her male parts, she stopped. It was the last time she saw them, she thought. They still bore the scars she had inflicted herself during all those years. More than once she had wanted to be able to cut everything, to make it disappear, like it had never existed. Soon, all this would be just a bad memory. A page of her life would be turned.  
  
This night again, she slept with Holy Rome. But this time, it was he who had insisted on it. He was scared. He didn’t want to lose her. But he knew he couldn’t make her change her mind, so he wanted to at least spend every minute, every second remaining with her.


	6. An End

China had come to take Italy in the morning. Holy Rome had hugged and kissed her one last time before she left. He had cried. Italy hadn’t thought she would see Holy Rome cry one day. As for her, she hadn’t cried at all. On the contrary, she was firm and resolved. Their time together was short, too short, already China was taking Italy away from him. Holy Rome could do nothing but wait.  
  
The previous day, China had explained the procedure. He had asked Holy Rome to wait outside while he explained to Italy, as the method was somewhat barbaric and scary. Holy Rome, who would spend days waiting and worrying, didn’t need to know the details. But he had insisted to stay and hear everything. He shouldn’t have…  
  
The patient was reclining on a board. Bandages were tightly bound around the thighs and abdomen, to prevent hemorrhage. The patient’s genitals were washed several time and anaesthetized with pepper. Three assistants were required, to prevent the patient from moving. With a curved knife, the knifer cut the patient’s genitals with a single slice. A plug was then inserted in the patient’s urethra for three days, and the wound was dressed.  
  
After three days of great pain, from the wound and the inability to drink or urinate, the plug was removed, allowing the patient to finally urinate. Only then could the operation be considered successful. Indeed, if the patient was unable to urinate, a painful death would quickly follow.  
  
Traditionally, no painkillers were used, but since Italy was a guest of honour, China had said he would use every mean in his possession to lessen her suffering. However, it would still be incredibly painful. But Italy had shown no hesitation. The pain of her body was a small price to pay to relieve the pain of her mind.  
  
After the operation, Holy Rome had run to China. The man was optimistic. The cut had been perfectly executed, as close as possible from the pelvis. But the hardest part was the three days of agony that were following.  
  
For three days, Holy Rome could do nothing but wait and worry. Servants were taking turns to watch over Italy, but he was forbidden to see her. Was she conscious ? He hoped no. It would be better she was unable to feel the pain.  
  
He felt sad for Italy. She was just a little girl, yet she had already suffered more than most grown men would ever suffer in their entire lives. No little girls should have to endure all these hardships. No little girl should have to risk their lives like that. Holy Rome had a deep respect for Italy, after all she had been through. She was strong, and courageous, and he wouldn’t allow anybody to say otherwise.  
  
These three days seemed like years to Holy Rome, but finally they came to an end. Soon, he would know if Italy was saved or doomed.  
  
China entered Italy’s room, to remove the plug in her urethra. Holy Rome was forced to wait outside. He fell on his knees and implored God to save Italy. To save His bravest daughter. Praying was the only thing he could do to help her now.  
  
After a moment that seemed too long, China appeared at the door. Holy Rome got up like a shot and ran to him, his face creased in fear. The Asian man smiled genuinely.  
  
“It is a success aru,” he announced. Holy Rome’s face lightened as he processed the words. Italy was safe ! She had done it !  
  
“Can… Can I see her ?” he asked, containing his enthusiasm with difficulty.  
  
“Yes, but not for long aru. She’s very tired, she need to rest.”  
  
Holy Rome nodded and entered in the bedroom. Italy was lying in bed. She turned her head and smiled weakly when she saw the boy.  
  
“Holy Rome…” she whispered. Her voice was very faint.  
  
“I’m here, Italy,” the blond boy said, kneeling next to the bed. He was on the verge of tears. He put a hand on Italy’s cheek. “How… How are you feeling ?”  
  
“It hurts so much…” she whispered with a half-smile. She seemed so weak… What if she wasn’t able to regain some strength ? What if she got an infection or something ? The operation had been a success, but what if she was unable to heal ?  
  
“You shouldn’t have done it,” Holy Rome complained. Italy was still not out of danger…  
  
“No !” she argued, failing to raise her voice. “I had to do it. Finally… After all those years… I’m finally me… I’m born again.” Her voice cracked and she began crying, tears rolling down her cheeks.  
  
“You did it, Italy,” Holy Rome gently said, kissing her forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”  
  
“Holy Rome… Thank you for being at my side…” she sobbed. “I love you…”  
  
“I love you too,” he answered, taking her hand and kissing it. “You have to heal, alright ?”  
  
“Uh,” Italy weakly nodded. “Ho… Holy Rome… Sorry, but… I’m so tired…” Her eyes were closing themselves. It was time for Holy Rome to leave.  
  
“I’ll let you rest now. I love you, Italy. I’m proud of you,” he said, brushing her hair before going up. He didn’t want to leave, but there were plenty of servants to take care of her, and China was doing his best.  
  
The following days were hard. Italy was still very weak, and she was suffering. Sometimes, Holy Rome could hear her scream with pain in her bedroom. Once a day, he was allowed to see her. She looked always so weak, she had lost a lot of weight, and Holy Rome could do nothing but hope that the worst was behind.  
  
He wanted to spend all day at her side, holding her hand and brushing her hair as she slept, but China had said it was best to limit the contact to a minimum, in order to prevent an infection. Also, Italy probably didn’t want him to see her in such pain.  
  
After a week, Italy began to feel better. She still had to lie in bed, but at least she was livelier. Now, Holy Rome could see her more often, and they were both pleased about that. He could hold her in his arms again, and kiss her again. When she was not in too much pain, she would make a siesta in his arms.  
  
Lying in bed for too long was unhealthy, so sometimes she had to walk. The servants would carry her out of the bed and help her walk around the room. It was extremely painful. But as the days passed, it became easier. She could walk for a longer time, or venture out of her room. When it became easier, Holy Rome was allowed to take the place of the servants and to make Italy walk.  
  
This daily routine continued two weeks. After that, Italy was able to walk by herself, slowly and for short distances. She was happy to be able to go out of her room and to eat dinner with China and Holy Rome. Sitting was painful however, so she used a soft and plump cushion.  
  
At dinner, Italy was surprised to see that a little girl, just a toddler, was sitting on China’s lap. China was feeding her and stroking her hair. Holy Rome already knew how she was, since he had lived with China these last three weeks, but Italy didn’t know.  
  
“Véé ?” she uttered, sitting on her cushion.  
  
“She is my youngest sister, Taiwan,” China explained, patting the little girl’s head. “She’s too young right now, so Netherlands occupies her island aru… But when she’s older, she’s going to fight and take her home back aru !”  
  
“Oh, I see…” Italy didn’t know what else to say. Taiwan was so young and already had a lot of problems…  
  
“You want to take her aru ?” he asked.  
  
“Yes !” she exclaimed. China put the little girl on her lap. Taiwan stared curiously at Italy, wondering who this new person was.  
  
“Hello Taiwan-chan,” Italy said cheerfully, smiling to the toddler. “I’m Italy, nice to meet you !”  
  
She spent the dinner playing with Taiwan. Holy Rome was relieved to see Italy smiling and playing. It would take time for her to heal completely, but now she was out of danger.  
  
After the dinner, a servant went to take Taiwan away and put her to bed.  
  
“Now that you are in better shape,” China said when the little girl was gone, “we can start the medication aru.”  
  
“The medication ?” Italy repeated, confused. What was China talking about ?  
  
“This,” he said, taking a small bottle out of his sleeve. It contained a powder. “It will help your body stay childish and feminine aru.”  
  
“Really ? What is it ?” she asked, taking the bottle and examining the powder.  
  
“Ahaha, you don’t want to know,” China laughed. “You would be disgusted if you knew aru.”  
  
“No,” Italy shook her head. “After what I just went through, I think it’ll be hard to disgust me.”  
  
“As you wish aru. It is dried crystallized urine from teenage girls.”  
  
“Urine ?!” Italy and Holy Rome exclaimed at the same time with a grimace.  
  
“Chinese medicine, you know aru…” China explained, amused by their reaction. “Old women take that to stay young and to counteract the symptoms of the menopause. But I think it can also be useful in your case aru.”  
  
“Well, then… Thank you China-sama,” Italy said, skeptical. She wasn’t really enthusiastic at the idea of taking a medication made with urine, but if it worked…  
  
“You need to take it every day aru,” the Chinese man said. Italy wondered if it was thanks to it that China looked so young and girlish, despite his old age. No, that was stupid. He was a man, why would he take such a medication ?  
  
Even if she could walk by herself now, Italy was still weak. In this state, she wasn’t able to go back in Austria’s house yet, so Holy Rome and her stayed with China in the Forbidden City another month.  
  
During this time, Italy’s state improved. She still had to rest a lot and her crotch was still painful, but she was slowly returning to a normal state. She could spend the day outside of her room, walking around the City with Holy Rome. When she was tired, she could lie on cushions in the palace and play with the little Taiwan.  
  
After a month, China had announced that Italy’s state was good enough for them to go back in Europe, and the time for farewells came. Holy Rome solemnly thanked China for his hospitality and help, and wished that they established good relationships between their respective countries. As for Italy, she didn’t care about such formalities. She cried and hugged China, thanking him for what he had done for her, and also for his delicious noodles. She hugged and kissed Taiwan too, she would miss her. It was fun, taking care of a kid like that. She thought she could understand why Hungary liked taking care of her.  
  
During these two months, China had grown fond of the two young people, and wished to see them again one day, when they were older.  
  
So Italy and Holy Rome embarked on a merchant ship with their soldiers. Instead of the money, they were now carrying a large stock of Italy’s medicine.  
  
Fortunately, the trip back to Europe had been calm. In her state, Italy wouldn’t have resisted an attack. During the several months of the trip, she finished healing, and when they arrived in Europe, she had no difficulties walking anymore. As soon as they were on solid ground again, Holy Rome sent a letter to Austria, announcing their return. It had been a little more than a year since they were gone.  
  
The way back home from the port lasted several days. The last day, Italy couldn’t stop fidgeting in the coach. She was excited. It had been such a long time since she had seen Hungary. She had even missed Austria. In China, she had been treated like a princess, and even if she knew that she would become a servant again, she was happy to finally come back home. Holy Rome seemed happy too. After all, this journey had been a lot of worries for him.  
  
Italy decided to put on her Chinese ruqun dress, to surprise Austria and Hungary. Holy Rome imitated her and put on the traditional outfit he had bought. He was handsome with it, but in a really different way than China or Macau. Blond hair didn’t really look Chinese, Italy thought with a laugh.  
  
Austria’s house was in sight, and soon, music was audible. Austria was probably playing the piano, as ever. As they approached the mansion, they noticed that a lot of people were here, dancing in the garden. So, it was a ball ? How lucky, to go home just in time for a ball, Italy thought, pleased.  
  
Four people were waiting for them in front of the mansion. Austria was there, so it wasn’t him playing the piano. Next to him was Hungary, wearing a beautiful evening dress. The two others were…  
  
“Romano-nii-chan ! Spain-nii-chan !” Italy called happily from the coach, waving her hand.  
“Ita-chan !! What are these weird clothes ?” Spain replied, waving too, while Romano was sulking for an unknown reason. What were they doing here ? Had they come for the ball ? Italy was happy to see them, it was too rare.  
  
“Welcome home, Ita-chan !” Hungary cried cheerfully. At her side, even Austria was smiling.  
  
Holy Rome jumped out of the coach and offered his hand, helping her to get out.  
  
“This ball is for you,” he declared, a seductive smile on his lips, the red motif of his outfit shining under the sun. He bowed and kissed her hand. “Would you like to dance, my lady ?”


End file.
